I murdered the dance floor call the cops
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
