I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Randomize
