i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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