I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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