Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
