I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
