If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
