I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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