That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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