i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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