Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
