I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
