My friends, they love my intelligence
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
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