dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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