the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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