it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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