I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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