I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
