I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
