I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
