3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
