Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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