There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
