i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
