You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
