I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
