oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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