in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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