mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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