after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
