U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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