We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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