and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
