Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
