He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
