Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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