im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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