Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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