My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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