So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
if only i could text you this smell
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
