Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
