You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize
