never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
