I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
