I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
