My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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