Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I didn't notice because vodka
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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