also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
