Having a random hookup so left but love u
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
