Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
