I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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