i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Randomize
