You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
