He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
